Sunday, July 6, 2008

Three Words Too Many

For Father’s Day this year my son gave me a book called The World’s Shortest Stories, edited by Steve Moss. Evidently, being fascinated by the short short story form, Moss started a competition called Fifty-Five Fiction. That is, each story could only have 55 words.

The stories are nearly all mini-O. Henry type stories with clever twists and surprise endings. I mean, ever sentence of phrase, in some instances, is a sidewinder. The themes are as varied as story telling always is, but that 55 word constraint is more tightly adhered to than a highway speed limit. It’s the one hard and fast rule.
So, I pondered, and decided to count the words in one of my own short poems which I believed would make a great piece of Fifty-Five Fiction. And guess what? As short as it was, it is still three words too long! And when I tried to figure out which three words to cut, in order to submit it, I was stymied.

The book has been fun. I hope you’ll find my little 58 word piece here fun, too.

Bad Break
Agitation, face white, deep breath hold tight,
run down, look round, hope hard underground.

Ten seconds, ten years, dull moans, shrieked fears
wild thoughts, no tears, eyes wide, all ears.

Push, shove, hide fast, screen view whole past.
Breathe deep, make haste, taste death, bad taste.

Sky tear, bright light, no air, stomach tight.

Flame flash… all ash.

Sixty words including title.

2 comments:

LEWagner said...

Here ya go:

"face white" -> "whitefaced"
"run down" -> "rundown"
"no tears, eyes wide, all ears" -> "dried/wide, eared/eyed"
"Flame flash... all ash. ->
"FLASH!! All ash!!"

Ed Newman said...

Good suggestions. They open up new possibilities. It is probably not uncommon to become mesmerized by one's own words as if they were sacrosanct. The story has been a poem for so long I had difficulty interfering with what it was.
Thanks. Vamos a ver.

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